So Close

My mom's visiting so she can go with me to chemo tomorrow and stay a couple days to get me through the worst of it. This new drug combo overall has been better for me, but the first few days out are murder. I can't get out of bed, my head hurts too much to look at screens so I just kind of lay there for Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday making plans to get up any minute and force myself to eat soup, which never happens. This week, I'll have Mom here to bring me soup so it'll be a little easier on me. Although she may stay longer than expected if this snow storm they're threatening lives up to the hype. By Thursday, I should start to come out of it, and by Sunday-Monday it'll just be headaches and migraines, weird appetite and fatigue. I can handle that. And then it's just ONE more. And guess what. I still have my eyebrows and some of my eyelashes! Maybe I will get to keep them. :) :) :)

The baby thing is still dragging me down. We were watching a show on Hulu the other night and the same commercial for ClearBlue kept coming on. We switched to Netflix, but not before I seriously considered throwing the TV over the balcony. It's frustrating. I'm having a hard time understanding my own reactions. If you'd asked me before I met David if I wanted children, I'd have said no. After we became our own little family, the idea of growing it didn't sound so bad but I was still unsure. But now, for some reason I can't look at babies, or even pregnant women, without getting worked up. I think it's just biological. I can't help it and I guess like I said before, it's different when it's taken away. I'll get over it. It's been an emotional few months all around so I'm giving myself a pass on the slow processing of this one.

Today David and I took our moms to brunch and they met in person for the first time. It went really well, I think. I can't believe the wedding is less than six months away. We have almost everything figured out. The last thing we're working on with the caterer is beverages. It's a Saturday night wedding so we're going to have alcohol there even though we don't drink. But because the venue is part of NYC's department of parks, there are all kinds of hoops and permits and fees required to serve liquor there. So, we'll be serving just beer and wine. If y'all want liquor you can BYO flasks as long as they're tastefully stashed in your boots and handbags. We picked out 3 beers and the caterer is picking out the wines for us. I tried to put my two cents in and then remembered I haven't had a glass of wine for over 4 years so maybe I'm not the best person to ask. (Boxed white zin for everyone!) But after that it's just flowers, decorations, and invitations. Oh. And the guest list, which I still haven't nailed down. It's. So. Hard. David did his half weeks ago, so it's just me dragging my feet. I want everyone there. I'll figure it out eventually. 

For now it's bedtime. Chemo in the morning, then 3 days of deliriously staring at the ceiling, falling in and out of sleep. See you guys on Thursday. :)